Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
