WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I touched a dick in church today
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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