sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
