It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
