I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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