I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
