Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
