I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Bring me that man meat
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
