This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Two words: nipple clamps
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