He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
