I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
