so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
