my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
