he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
