while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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