what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
