I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
