if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
