were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
