i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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