I hate your face
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
