Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
