i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
