So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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