Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
