I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
