I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
