she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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