i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
