i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
