Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
