Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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