ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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