Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
