Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
