Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
two words...techno handjob
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
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