Buhtt sex?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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