i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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