the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
