i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
