Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
