Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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