my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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