So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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