I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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