You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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