Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
