EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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