so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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