honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Boobs are out for the taking
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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