If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
