I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
