Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
