I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You were trust falling into bushes
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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