His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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