FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
