I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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