No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
