So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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